TWIR: Don't Feed the Troll

What? You didn't think I was actually going to do it, did you? Well guess what suckers, I'm back with a brand new song and dance! As promised, here's the second edition of This Week in Rants, brought to you by your own suggestions, my dark perturbed mind and love for attention, and FRITOS: When hunger strikes, a light weight snack just isn’t going to cut it. You need something that’s going to hold you over and keep you satisfied. At times like these, you need the big, bold taste of FRITOS The original Corn Chips. With the classic corn taste and hearty texture that goes crunch, FRITOS The Original Corn Chips, an unmistakable all-American original. Right out of the bag, sprinkled on some chili or digging into you favorite dip… Nothing satisfies like FRITOS!




Let's begin, shall we?



Trolls ( As suggested by Ryan Fisher )



The following is the 2nd definition listed for "Troll" on Urban Dictionary



"One who purposely and deliberately (that purpose usually being self-amusement) starts an argument in a manner which attacks others on a forum without in any way listening to the arguments proposed by his or her peers. He will spark of such an argument via the use of ad hominem attacks (i.e. 'you're nothing but a fanboy' is a popular phrase) with no substance or relevence to back them up as well as straw man arguments, which he uses to simply avoid addressing the essence of the issue. "



At this point I would normally proceed to rave about how trolls are the kind of people who scour the deepest troves of the internet, holding nothing sacred in our community and utterly causing a total breakdown of everything we in the internet have strived for. I sincerely hope that none of you ever meet a person who is proud to be a troll. I had a class with a guy who was a proud Furry, and I'm not even going to begin on how creepy it was. I will therefore submit to you that going on a tangent about how much trolls suck would only further satisfy their cravings. This is known as "feeding the troll" and would serve about as much forward progress as putting water on a grease fire. Instead I shall close out this particular rant with a few key words of advice for you little internet-goers out there: Should you come across a troll, it will be easily identifiable by its need to maintain an argument, and yet have little to no valid or relevant backup for said argument. All it wants is to upset you, and if you let this happen, then successful troll is successful. The easiest way to extinguish the troll is to simply spread the word to "not feed the troll" and hope that others are all the wiser, as I have just made you.



Any questions? See? It's funny because you can't ask questinos yet because you're in the middle of reading my note. SAVE ALL QUESTIONS UNTIL THE END. Applause however, is welcome at all times.



Girls That Act Stupid( As suggested by Gabby Garlow )



This one's going to be fun.



We all know how much I hate emo song lyrics posted as Facebook statuses. I'm gonna stop beating that dead horse right here. Instead, I'm gonna go deeper and attack the root of the problem, and many others facing teenage society today: I'm of course talking about the little girls who just can't seem to get the picture. All the Emo Crybabies, all the attention whores, all the Twilight obsessed, Disney Channel loving drama queen Justin Bieber soundalikes that make the sane people in the world want to find creative new uses for a power sander. If you really convinced some poor skater-slacker sap to be your "lover" that's all fine and well, less possibility for a mismatch with soeone who would actually be doing the gene pool a few favors. What does perturb me, however, is when starting close to one week after said relationship has been initiated, all I'm seeing is a literal crap ton of flirty little posts and tagged statuses about how much you're in love with him, and how he's the best thing that ever ever ever ever happened to you, and you two are gonnna be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and EVAR!!! I don't want to hear about your little fairy tale romance that's about as old as my last rant note, and neither do any of your friends, not the ones you shunned for probably trying to give you the same advice I'm drilling into your eyes right now, nor the other little clusters of girls just like you with their slacker dumbass boyfriends that tag along with you and enable you to keep doing EXACTLY WHAT THE REST OF US HATE WITH ALL OUR HEARTS. And even if you do manage to last for a number of months and we've all become numb to your open gaga-ness, it doesn't change the fact that sooner or later the truth is gonna hit you like a brick wall, and when that happens before that happens I offer you this gem of wisdom I heard from a friend :Babies in the backseat cause accidents, and accidents in the backseat cause babies. Congratulations, I just saved whats left of your dignity, although I have a sinking feeling I just fed a new breed of troll while doing it.





Like what you read here? Well then prove it. Like the note to enforce positive feedback and eoncourage further notes. 30% of each 'Like' will benefit my eg for the next note. If you've got questions, concerns, rave reviews or suggestions for next week's note, feel free to leave a comment, I'll be reading each one of them and I'll be back next week for round three! Until then, kiddies!



Keep on Truckin',



Jordan