TWIR: 1337 FTW!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, quadripeds and cephalapods, are you ready for a spectacle the likes of which you've never seen with your mortal eyes? Well, you came to the wrong place. Instead I'll be spending the next [ however long it takes you to read this note ] spouting mild obscenities and making words fly off the screen at you like a bad 3D movie, just without all the cartooney gimmicks that make a mildly enjoyable movie totally suck. But I'll save the 3D drabble for another note. Today in my rants I'll not only be creatively complaining about the problems that strike us all down like some annoying act of God, but I'll be putting my very livlihood on the line to explain to you one of the biggest plagues in the online community today. These notes are gonna make me famous I tells ya.




People Who Type Weird ( By Popular Decision )



I was going to save this one for my second rant because I wanted it to be the main event of the week, but this works just fine too. I'll figure something out for the second rant when I get to it. Now, You all demanded it so here it is: My no holds barred spew about the people out there who can't seem to type normally!!!



Actually, there's a bit of a problem with this: I happen to know for a fact that one of the most suggested forms of weird typers, that being people who replace certain letters with numbers ( l1k3 th15). This is called "1337 speak" ( read 'leet speak), happens to have a rich, deep seeded background which exists strongly in the realm of my beloved gamer community. Therefore, to get all up in yo grill about how much they suck would pretty much make me a total hypocrite, which nobody likes. But here's the deal. There are also quite a few people out there who abuse this privilege and make the rest of the online folk look bad by association, and I for one will not stand for this.



People Who Type Weird ( and don't deserve to )



You see, the people I refer to are called posers and do not accurately display the symbols of a true proud gamer, but rather some close cousin of the troll trying to fit in where they obviously do not belong, like the retarded square piece trying to fit into the triangle on that old kid's toys. EVEN THE MONKEYS KNOW HOW TO GET THAT ONE RIGHT! COME ON!!! These folks think theyre so hot because they know how to type like us. They think that because they know our code, they're in. You were wrong. DEAD WRONG. And I mean that literally, because they're usually the ones face down in a pool of their own blood on a open server game of Halo. If you want to be one of us you smug little fool, you'd better be able to stand with the rest of us and pull that virtual trigger like a virtual MAN, because the these soldiers of the internet you're up against have been carving their legacy for the past 30 years, and in that time we've done things no human can ever attest to. We've survived the apocalypse time and again, mowed down entire armies by ourselves, We've sold out stadiums with our rock, and we've made time our bitch. We've led our guilds to glorious victory and we've stood together in cold defeat. We have ruled worlds, and we have made them crumble. WE collected the coins, WE defeated the giant monsters, and WE SAVED THE MOTHERF*CKING PRINCESS!!! We are the proudest nerds on God's green Earth. We are gamers, and if you can't walk the walk, then it's time to die, n00b.



Intermission time! While you pick up your melted faces and dropped jaws off the floor, I'm gonna take a quick second to introduce my basis for this next rant. You see, the people who type weird suggestion was so overwhelmingly popular, that I couldn't pick a clear winner out of the rest! sorry! Instead I'ma go ahead and spout off another original for you, just a little food for thought to gear you up for another week. Everybody ready? Drinks refilled? Glasses on? ( see top of note) Then consider my second rant BEGUN!!!



Country Music



Perhaps I should clarify. I don't hate all country music. Hell, some of it is rather legendary in the music world. The REAL probelm I have with Country is the stuff that isn't REAL Country. I for one stopped paying attention to Country music about the time Brad Paisley took off, until I started my current job, where the radio station for our store is 90% Country Crap. I've noticed a trend in alot of the songs they play nowadays and pass them off in the country genre. These includes Country Stereotypes including Tractors, Spittin' Dip, Bonfires, etc. but also incluse some of the most irritatingly ludicrous ideas for songs that I've ever heard! Even from Hip Hop and Rap, which I don't even consider real music! Examples include comparing women's asses to junk in a trailer yard, how proud they are of our government and transvestives and/or crossdressers ( I'm not kidding. It's called Bobbi with an I. look it up.). And of course there's always the uber patriotism instilled in pretty much EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY SONG ON THE RADIO RIGHT NOW. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of our troops and America has its okay moments, but I don't need the whole weepy deep pro-soldier war story angle in 99.9% of today's Country. I remember the days when Country had depth, an original sound, a following people could respect and songs that didn't fulfill the southern stereotype, and we all know how much I hate that from TWIR #1. As much as I'd love to see some of the good coutry brought back, I sadly don't think it's gonna happen, So I'll just have to do what the rest of the people who enjoyed the older country do: Look for the gems hidden in the dip spit of the music world. God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy.





That wraps up another edition of This Week in Rants! Didn't quite live up to what you were expecting? Well too bad. I'd sure as hell like to see you do better. But, I'm an understanding guy, so if you've got constructive criticism, suggestions for next week, or 40 CCs of pure unadulterated Ego you'd like to send my way, feel free to leave me a comment, like the note, or just spread the word to the other folks who aren't as lucky as you to read these notes. Until next week friends!



Keep on Truckin'



Jordan