Greetings peons, this is your humble commentator on life Jordan "WiiMan" Hill. As many of you already know, I like to blow off my steam about problems in the world through venting about them. I find this to be incredibly helpful, but at the same time, I can't help but feel like I'm almost taking out my frustrations on you. But that couldn't possibly be true. That'd be silly. Regardless, I have come to the conclusion that not only will putting forth the initiative to start my own series of episodic weekly notes where I rant about stuff help me blow off steam and increase my popularity exponentially, but it may also be a great sprinboard for my oft-dreamed of career as a stand up comedian. So without further ado, I shal begin.
People Who Fulfill Stereotypes
When it comes to people themselves, I cannot think of any one type of person that grinds my gears to their iron oxide encrusted cores than those who fulfill their cultures' stereotypes to a T. I'm not just talking about a black guy who likes kool-aid or a mexican dude who enjoys a nap every now and then. I'm talking about the full on, straight from society's sense of humor trolls of the real world who are pretty mcuh the reason said stereotypes exist in the first place. Take homosexuals for example. ( I'm straight btw, just saying. Chicks FTW) I honestly have no problem with your sexuality. We live in a day age and place where it's almost completely okay to be yourself in every manner, but when you start parading down the street wearing some chaffon sweater and carrying a little dog in your handbag, I can't help but feel a little perturbed. I'm pretty sure that unless that's seriously how you act all the time, all it's really doing is making the rest of the gay community look stupid. And I know some pretty cool gay people, so even I'm a tad insulted, WHAT DOES THAT SAY TO YOU? Or perhaps you're too busy listening to the latest Miley Cyrus single to offer a second of your precious time to come back from fairy-land and actually CONTRIBUTE A SHRED OF NORMALCY. Before I get some cease and desist letter from the Gay pride community ( and I apologize for singling just that cultural group out, but I only had room for one example and this was an easy one to roll with) I'll close on this note: If it weren't for the .5% of folks who act EXACTLY like ignorant people expect them to, we would be so very much closer to realising that far off dream of a society where we all can understand and expect each other, but in the words of Steven Tyler, "Dream On."
The A-Holes Who Always Get the Girl
This is probably the single most aggravating thing guys in today's world have to put up with. For our entire childhoods guys like me were raised on the belief that we were to always be polite to others, to be considerate of their feelings, to not call names, be exceedingly violent and to be humble in your forthcomings. I am happy to say that I have found a balance of these while maintaining a healthy social life. But why is it, and I ask this not just to the ladies out there, but to all who endeavor in my quest to solve this age old social algorithm, That the people who rack up the biggest numbers in the game of love are those who act the most primal, throwing their weight around,looking out for their own personal entertainment and contentment above all others? It shocks me, ladies and gentlemen, that such injustice can exist in a world where we are led to believe just the opposite is the social norm? Maybe the answer is somewhere in the question: Perhaps it's some deep-seeded primal instinct that makes people gravitate towards the alpha-male, the biggest brooding gorilla in the vicinity to carry on our generation... That's just one take on it. I'm sure as they always say justice will be served in the end, but on an individual level! There's always gonna be some d-bag who can get away with anything just because he wants to and he's not afraid who he offends, and he ends up with exactly WHO he wants! This isn't breaking news my friends! So why does this always, ALWAYS happen! For people like me, who the only thing they have going for them is a wit sharp enough to make a diamond turn emerald with envy, what are we gonna do about it? Who are we gonna call? Certainly not the GhostBusters, they went out of business years ago.
That's it for this inaugural edition of This Week in Rants! For future notes I will be attempting to try and get one of these posted every week, give or take a couple days. As for the subject mattter, there's only so many things I can pull out of my own hat before I REALLY start offending people, so here's your job: I want you all to comment on this note, and give me material for my next note. I'll pick some of the best requests that collect over the next 5-9 days and come next week, I'll openly complain about them in a darkly humorous manner for all of you to indulge in and enjoy. So comment, and I'll see y'all back here in a week!
With regards to your cat Mittens, and his recent rise to internet fame,
Jordan
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