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'Afternoon everyone! Unless you're in Zimbabwe in which case "mshi Shona!" I'm terribly sorry that I'm a few days late with this latest installment of This Week in Rants, but I've been rather busy, what with the car trouble and the work schedule and... oh yeah! COLLEGE! By the way, how's lunch at Derby High? I just got back from an afternoon meal at Cowley, and my BACON CHEESEBURGER was delicious, thanks for asking. ( Jordan gained +5 Manliness for consuming bacon! ) A big thanks to everyone who showed up for the big Scott Pilgrim get together. It was a great time, as I'm sure you agree. and if you didn't come for whatever reason.... Shut up and eat your Rant Flakes.
The Current State of Bisexuality ( Inspired from a Private Conversation. You know who you are. )
I'm fully aware of the controversial territory in which I am treading, so try not to taze me. ( bro ) This is kind of a tricky puzzle to unravel as teenage society has really spun what was once the centerpiece for people's political, cultural and spiritual beliefs into just another layer of today's sparkly confusing teenage cluster-cake ( I'm also aware I just said 'cake'. I'll pause so you can get all the Portal jokes out of the way. ) . I can't help but notice how nowadays people's sexuality has morphed like a cheap Power Ranger knock off from being a serious matter of people's beliefs and feelings into "The 'in' thing". Don't get me wrong, If you're actually gay, I have absolutely no problem with that. ( except fairies. See TWIR #1 ). But there now seems to be a trend as popular as Twitter itself where some folk ( usually whiny little emo girls, see TWIR # 2 ), usually after feeling wronged by their last relationship decided that they were going to migrate into a self-invented gray area where they, along with the rest of their whiny little emo buddies, can experiment, most of the time with each other, through what usually ends up being nothing but a little bit of hand holding or excessive hugging, to see if maybe the reason things aren't working with their last guy is because they weren't in fact into guys. Thus the gray area is created. At the risk of upsetting those who actually -are- certain about their sexuality, we shall call this gray area "Modern Bisexuality". This kind of buzz about being differrent in one way or another hasn't been this present in culture since the Civil Rights movement in the 60's. The difference? African Americans actually had a cause, a goal, and knew firmly where they stood on the matter, and because of that is one of the proudest moments in America's history. The problem with Modern Bisexuality is exactly what I have mentioned above: THEY'RE NOT ACTUALLY BISEXUAL. What they are, is really young, really, REALLY confused, and just a tad bit disappointed that more guys aren't throbbing romantics or exactly like Edward Cullen, although in their defense if I were them and Edward Cullen was my ideal man, I'd wonder if I was actually into chicks too. While in this stage of their sad, twisted and yet slightly aggravating phase of their not-so-golden years their main interests seem to include whoring themselves out to everyone except the people most interested in them writing mediocre poetry making sure the latest Twilight movie dominates MTV airwaves , and dying their hair multiple colors so many times a cancer kid would probably want to punch them in the face more than I do. ( That = ALOT ) I'm going to end in a fair manner by addressing these poor children with some advice that I can only hope with all of my sarcastically shriveled and blackened heart they listen to: Serious decisions are considered serious for a reason. Please try to actually wrap your mind around what you're claiming. Now go sit quietly in a corner until you have your pretty little head back on straight and are ready to deal with life like the grown ups. You're here, but not queer, so don't try, get used to it.
People who Succeed with Little to No Effort or Skill ( Suggested by Blake Cordell )
This surely is something almost each and every one of us is familiar with. We all know or have heard of somebody who, although no more skilled than the rest of us, has been blessed with several achievements in life that the rest of us have about as much of a chance at as we do winning the lottery. It seems rather tragic, yes, but as a reallist I've seen that this is just how the world seems to work. While some of us dedicate our very livlihood to our craft, be it acting, writing, building legos or trying to achieve YouTube stardom, we simply can't seem to grasp that brass ring that appears to just be handed to others while we're standing right there next to them all like "WTF Mate?!?". So what seems to be the answer? Why do they get to taste victory? What do we need to do differently? Why is it that all the Freds and the Paris Hiltons out there take their stardom for granted while we're stuck grasping straws? For the most part, it's simply a matter of connections, who knew whom when and where, their stars simply alligned in a way that's extremely uncommon, and even more successful. The other half of the equation is luck. Plain and simple. It's just a game of chance, a spin of the roulette, someone who just happened to put up a video ( sometimes a very painful video ) that someone big saw, or that their friends sent to their friends who each sent it to 100 of their friends in a sick exclusive pyramid scheme with the "star" not quite at the top, but rather a shiny centerpiece dangling above it like that creepy eye on the dollar bill. The trick is to not spend any more time than you have to on your craft. If you wanna be a YouTube sensation, post some videos, and wait for them to do the rest ( make sure it at least looks decent though ) If you wanna be a movie star, great! So do I! Just make sure you do your acting thing on the side, and put a good decent amount of time into college, a career, or a family. Because I guarantee you that's one thing all the famous tramps in the world wish they could have. Being normal, if you can actually call us that. XD
So after that little spew of unbelieveably cheesy inspiration, I'm sad to say that yet another week has gone by for my rants. I'm also thinking about televising some of my rants, with the help of my roomate, Heath. Would you guys watch rants, or do you like them as notes where you can read them yourselves?? I'll be back soon with another note, just as soon as I'm able to rally enough EP ( Ego Points) to level up to my next rant. You can help me achieve this by Liking, Commenting, and spreading the word to others who aren't on my page, keep in mind not everyone is as fortunate as you who get to indulge in my sputterings. MAKE ME FAMOUS YO!!!
'Till next time, Keep on Truckin'
Jordan
P.S. Sorry if the second rant seemed sickeningly optimistic, I wasn't particularly fired up when I was writing this. Next week's will be EXTRA DARK to make up for it! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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